Ben

From BluWiki

So, I don't really want to get my source of satisfaction from being "better" than other people at stuff. Although that's not a problem, I don't want that to be the purpose of my life. I want to have a win-win mentality. One way I see to do that is to do things like learn how to have the best sex of my life, and make it the best for the girl too (obviously). Learn how to experience the most pleasure, and do the most fun things. Don't work for the purpose of being better than other people (all the time), only do that because it's fun to compete sometimes. But ultimately, I want to create win-win situations.

Smell/scent is a big deal in attractiveness/sex. For both guys and girls.

The places, the times, the people, and the experiences.

With a drug like Inderal, I actually feel glad to be alive. I actually look forward to experiences, and to the next day. For most of my life, this feeling has been alien to me. That's quite revealing. There has been quite a lot of my life where I was just not happy. There still is. And it's ridiculous. If there are drugs out there like Inderal that can change that, I want to have them.

What do I want to get out of life? I want to get the experiences.

Birthday ideas:
Movies- Naked Gun series, anything with Leslie Nielson. Other funny movies?

   Wrongfully Accused 

   Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult 

   Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear 

   Hot Shots! 

Clothes- t-shirts (try Wal-mart)
Dumb bells?
Running shoes?
Prescription medication for social anxiety
Books?
My suit (getting it tailored)

What I really want is to laugh a lot. I want to make things funny, pretty much all the time. I want to laugh a lot, and I want to make the people around me laugh a lot.

This is good. I know what I want now. And no matter what else happens, I have a clear picture of what my ultimate goal is: sitting around with friends or family and laughing. Joking aroundin all these different contexts. I want this with good friends, with family, with co-workers, with acquaintances, etc...I want to laugh with people. Laughing with that feeling of love. Love has to include laughter, the way I see it. The more I laugh with other people, the higher the quality of my life. That's how I see it. That's what I want. Everything else is done within that framework.

Walton Kingsbery is my role model. I want to emulate him, in pretty much every way. From now on, this is the plan.

How do I change myself fundamentally? Change my brain patterns/neuronal linkages, so that I genuinely feel differently? Try to keep it in the forefront of my mind at all times, the picture of how I WANT to react to things, how I desire to be and to feel. Like Walt. Even if I only manage to maintain that image for 70% of the day, that's only better than less. Eventually, my brain patterns will change, and more and more I'll become the person I want to be. It's absolutely changeable, but not necessarily overnight. What I can do best is envision how I want to be like Walt, in every situation, how I want to feel like him.

What kind of job could mom get right now? Brainstorm:
-office jobs- secretary, journalist for a local paper, copy editor
-volunteer jobs- social work (get away from writing, move towards working with people), charity work, red cross work, church work
-

I wish mom would get a job. She's so good with other people, she's so personable. She would be so much happier if she had a job to go to, and people to interact with. And I would feel so much better, I think. Seeing mom go to a job and interact with people, and have a life outside of the house...she would be such a great role model for me, to see her get out in the world. That's all I want. For all of us to have real lives, participating in the outside world. And then come together when we're not working. Bringing our own stories to the table. Also, then she would be able to say stuff, and I'd take her more seriously, because she's actually doing something. And we'd stop having these stupid bullshit conversations about knowing what everybody else should do. There's something humbling about being out in the real world. It doesn't let your mind believe that you know everything, at least, not as much as if you're cut off from the world.

Why do I even talk? Why do people even listen to me? Or to other people, for that matter? I don't know the answer. Why do people want to hear my opinion when I don't know for sure? I couldn't possibly know for sure. Weird. Why do girls listen to Dustin? He's so full of bullshit.

Don't be so concerned about feeling anxious, or nervous. That's just my body getting ready to perform at its best. It's not a bad thing. Of course, I don't want to feel that way all the time, but when I do, I can realize that my body's just getting ready to perform. My mind judges that a situation is coming up where I need to perform, and my body's preparing to do so. Just go with it. Use it.

Also, I want to learn to do taxes really, really well. So I can do them in my sleep, with my eyes closed. That will be just excellent.

Maybe all my anxiety comes from desperately needing the approval from mom and dad. I can definitely see that. And with mom being so judgmental, that seems like a difficult task. And I feel conflicted whenever I act in a way I think she wouldn't approve of. But then she gives me conflicting signals about what she approves of, and I get confused and anxious. Tonight, both mom and dad made it quite clear that they both wholeheartedly approve of me, my life, and they stand behind me. Heh. I have their unconditional love and approval. That's pretty good. I want to tie that into every context. I have mom and dad's unconditional approval. Maybe this can help me stop feeling conflicted. I want to make it clear to them that this is important to me.

You can either be trying to remember stuff or trying to forget stuff. I spend a lot of time trying to remember stuff. I should spend more time forgetting stuff. Stop bring bad from the past into the present. It's stupid to do so.

Mom doesn't even really like having serious conversations with me. Good, then I don't have to feel obligated to talk to her so much. Dad doesn't either. Well good. Then I'm free of that obligation.

I tend to get very, very serious. About pretty much everything. It gets to the point where I can't enjoy anything. But the attitude I like so much is one of joking around, goofing off, never being serious. Remember a couple of years ago, "I don't ever want to be serious again"? Of course. That's how I was with Hallie and Jen, too, for awhile. I rarely want to be serious. "Don't listen to most of what I say, I'm hardly ever serious." And my talks with mom are very much serious. Remember, Team Serious with Patrick and Kristen. I don't want that. It leads to stress and non-enjoyment of life. I don't want to be serious. Focus on non-serious stuff. Let somebody else be serious. Good.

It's more fun to do things with a partner. That's what a girlfriend/wife provides, in my opinion: a partner to enjoy life with. Together, you enjoy life more than either of you would separately.

I like the idea that my life is really easy. I work a little at a pretty easy, cool job with fun people. I play golf, lift some weights to look good, mow the lawn, wear sunglasses, drink with my friends, go out with girls. I'm basically in retirement right now. Sweet. It's always summer for me :) Heh, my life is so easy, and good.

Out of sight, out of mind. That's a good motto for me.

Okay, my problem is that I'm constantly trying to keep too much in my consciousness field at one time. I'm always trying to remember stuff, and keep everything in mind, which reduces my effectiveness in any given moment, concerning the task at hand. If I can consistently focus on the moment, the here and now, and forget about everything outside of that, I'd be much more effective, and enjoy myself much more. The way Dr. Bernabeu is. Out of sight, out of mind. And I can keep more accurate schedules and records to remind myself of stuff I need when I need it. And then I can forget about it when I don't need it. Mom is very much someone who doesn't focus on the moment. She's always trying to keep everything in mind. Not good. Not what I want. I want to consistently be focused on the moment, and trust myself to take care of the stuff I need. Have faith in myself that I'll do so. And stop trying to see my life from a bird's-eye view, and see it instead from the first person, in the moment. This is all I need to know. Just practice this, do this more and more. Make sure I've got my stuff squared away, and then let go, and be in the moment.

What I want really isn't that hard, I just need the right role model. I need a role model like Mr. Patterson, because that's basically who I want to be. Or Adam Patterson. Heh. Without question, my biggest role model is mom, Ann Yost. And that's great for some things, but it's really hurting me in some areas. I want to explain this to her. She's the single greatest role model in my life, and her actions have enormous influence on me. But she's not acting the way I want to act, and it's hard to do so differently than her, apart from separating myself completely from her. So, talk to mom about this. Also, I want to spend more time around dad. He can be a powerful role model for me as well. It's just a matter of setting up the proper context. And the proper context is having the proper role models. Or getting your role models to act the right way.

Just do what David DeAngelo does.

Just find what works and keep doing it.

How to live a good and happy life really isn't that "complicated" in the sense that it takes a lot of figuring out. Stop looking for other "explanations" for things, or whatever, it just makes things confusing. Just consistently do what's good and what works, over and over again.

I can't control everything but I can control some things. I just have to work within my limits.

If it's going to be the case that I'm not on friendly terms with someone, I don't want it to be my fault. I don't want to be the one who's being unfriendly, or the one who doesn't walk up and say "hey". Either person can do it, but I'm just gonna go ahead and do it, because it's well within my control. I always want to be the person who walks up and says "hey", the person who makes the effort and the initial invitation. That way, even if we end up being on bad terms, it won't be my fault. And that's very appealing to me.
Oh yeah, and you don't have to be "intelligent" to be successful with women. Women aren't attracted to cleverness. It might even be a good move to dial down the "intelligence" level when trying to attract a woman, dial it down to about 100 IQ. Just totally average, and a little slower. Just slow it down a little bit. Women love that. If I'm not having a lot of success with women, it's not because I'm lacking in cleverness. Women are attracted to directness and confidence. I don't need to have the most clever things to say. What really distinguishes guys who women are really attracted to, and long for, from those "lame" guys who are a dime a dozen? Beyond the initial physical appearance (which has the biggest impact right at the beginning, and quickly becomes less and less significant), you need to make her feel secure, like she's got a good one, and make her laugh and feel good inside. You don't have to say more clever things to her than other guys say. Most of what makes people laugh is in the delivery anyway. And you've got to demonstrate over and over again that you're in control of the situation. Like, having a good perspective on life, being comfortable and secure with what happens, because you know you're going to be okay. Be communicating this (just by actually having this belief/worldview) constantly. This is stuff that will make a woman miss you desperately. That confidence. It's not about being the most clever. It's about finding what works, and doing it over and over again.

To deal with social situations (communication with other people), you've basically got to create a barrier, a shield, a self that you want to be a representative for you (the actual, real, you). Without this barrier, you're totally exposed to the whims of whatever other people want to do to you. Open to attack/criticism, etc...of course you'll be neurotically self-conscious, you're totally vulnerable to attack in a world where people judge you constantly. And you feel like you're being destroyed, because people are attacking your self, and you believe that your self is you (the actual you). So virtually every time you're around other people (and those other people are judging), you're being destroyed. That's how your mind perceives it. This is why people become shut-ins, hermits, recluses. So it's necessary (and good) to create a barrier, to realize that you are not your self, and the 'you' that other people perceive is just your representative in the external world of communication. Sometimes in the past I've done this quite effectively, like when I would say things to girls at Greenberry's that seem outrageous if I felt like I was actually doing it, but I had a barrier, a shell up, so it didn't really feel like it was 'me', it was somebody else, my representative. Another example of this is when getting physical with a girl. It can be super awkward if you feel like it's 'you' doing it, but it's easy (and fun) if you have that barrier/shell up and you feel like it's your 'representative' touching her. The examples go on and on, every time I've felt self-conscious, this is the explanation (and the solution). I do need to have a barrier up, to get through the day and communicate with other people, without feeling like I'm being killed. This is what it's like when I spend time with Vitto, which is great.

I basically want to live Tad Hamilton's life, but with a more satisfying career (like tax). But appearance and automotive-wise, definitely like Tad Hamilton.
Hmmm...for food, I want to eat big and work out big. I don't want to spend a lot of time preparing food. I want it to be like "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton", where he looks in his refrigerator, and he's got all these prepared meals ready to be warmed up. Like a fried chicken sandwich, strawberry milk and an apple. I don't want to have to spend a whole lot of time preparing food and eating constantly. I want to have leverage, where I can spend just a few hours a day doing tax work, and have that be really valuable. And then have prepared food ready to be heated up and eaten (man, fried chicken sounds so good). So I just don't have to worry about all this mundane crap. Then I can work out, lift and run, and look really good, and do tax work, and go out with women. That's pretty much what I want to do. Man, I'm so hungry.
I wonder if there's any job I can do next year that would bring in more money with less time, like tax preparation or something. I think there's a tax preparation place right next to Rugged Wearhouse. I should check that place out and see if they need any help, and what the pay is like. This summer is how it should be. Working and making a lot of money with the time I spend doing it.
Grocery store(go to Kroger):
-strawberry milk
-prepared meals, ready to heat up
-lunch meat, ham, salami and pepperoni, provologne and muenster cheese
-eggs (lots)

Maybe I don't need all this other crap in my awareness. Maybe I just need to read a few David DeAngelo columns a week, and do whatever else. Attracting women is the thing I'm most concerned about anyway. Hmmm...
I think this is a good point. My interim strategy towards the overall goal of better and better value-experience for all beings, including myself and including God, should be what I tend to do naturally: in the fields I deem it important to be successful in, find the top people in the field and do what they do. Listen to what they say, spend time around them, copy them, do what clearly works instead of trying to reinvent the wheel. It's much faster, and much more enjoyable. Current role models include David DeAngelo in attraction and dating, David Mills in life's purpose and clear thinking, Thomas Sowell in Economics, (I need somebody for Tax), etc...I can take what they've created and work with that. And I will end up being creative and improvising, (I always do, once I feel comfortable with the ideas) but I can start at a high level by working with what they've already figured out. This is going to be my interim strategy. Basically like David said, a gradual accumulation of more and more good and true ideas (within the process of putting those ideas into practice). This is basically the same idea I was getting at earlier, when I thought that good ideas should only have to be figured out once, and then everyone should know them. Well, the people at the top of their fields are going to have mostly good ideas in that field, so those people should be like a beacon of light to everyone who wants to be successful in that field, a source of good ideas.

What if I could automate all kinds of processes that currently have to be done over and over again?...like, cutting the grass, cutting my hair, learning the tax laws, understanding God, purpose, and existence, writing a book, etc...all this stuff should only have to be done once, and then it would be done forever. There SHOULD be a way to have these things happen. Learning something takes so long, it should only have to be done once, and then be done forever. Teaching a subject should only have to be done once, and it could be used over and over again from there on. I should only have to say something once, and everybody should be able to hear it, and it should never have to be said again. But we have to start somewhere. This idea of automating processes is a powerful one. Have a computer that processes stock information and predicts which ones you should invest in...have a body of laws/precedents that determines how all future cases should be decided...have David Mills set up a system of positive statements and their opposites, eliminating one at a time and moving forward until it's clear to see the things that absolutely must be true, and everyone can know this.

Oh man, I can't wait until I'm doing something actively/physically/hands-on with tax and accounting. This reading the textbook crap with nothing to apply it to is getting old really fast. I'm such a 3. I want to actually be doing something with it. Virtual reality for learning purposes, hands-on, learn-as-you-go and direct experience...that would be awesome. As a 3, I like to experience things physically. 1's and 2's tend to be more cerebral. 3's and 4's tend to be more physical. I want results. I want evidence. I want to experience something physically, not read about it abstractly. (I'll bet Jacob Williford is a 2, and Phil Davis is a 4, Ben Thomas is a 4). I don't feel like there's much use in just knowing something, unless I'm going to act on it. If I could physically experience these concepts represented by symbols in this tax textbook, THEN I would pick up and remember those concepts in a snap. I feel like so many of the 'mental answers' and 'mental changes' are snake oil...worthless. There's no substance to it. Mental changes are useful only insofar as they affect the physical world.

For the party:
-big bottle of aristokrat
-beer pong cups
-2-3 cases of beer
-greenberry's shirt
-Donna signs
-ping pong balls (at Harris Teeter? gas station?)
-beer pong table
-laptop/music
-speakers (shit, I need Dave's speakers)
-strobe light (get one from Ki Shy)
-jello shots?

I want to be someone who people organize around. Someone who brings people together. I don't want to be a loner, or someone who attaches to various groups, but isn't really part of any one. It's not enough just to know a lot of people. I want to be the guy who plans things to do with groups of people, and who people call to see how it's going to be organized. Like Vitto. Sam wants this very much too. He basically wants to be like the owner of the nightclub. The guy who brings people together through context and planning, so that everyone has a good time. Kind of the center of things. That's who I want to be. When people have a question as to what's going on or how it's going to be planned, I'm the one they immediately turn to. Heh, like Vitto. Most groups of friends are organized around a central person who they all knew. People fit into one of two categories, they either organize people around them, or they get organized around one of these people. I want to be someone who brings people together. I can do this with Patrick and Sam, with Patrick, Liz, Cindy, Courtney, Vitto, others?...with Sam and Dave this month, going out more often, bringing Sam into that group. Hmmm...

I do really well with positive reinforcement. I tend to listen to what people have to say, and give weight to it. Now, this isn't necessarily good or bad, it's just the current reality. I can work with it, and put myself in positions where I'm going to get a lot of positive reinforcement. I don't like being judged, and I don't like being put-down. Why would I put myself in situations where I'm gonna get that a lot, when I could easily put myself in alternative situations where I'll be getting lots of positive reinforcement. I can also give my mind positive reinforcement. Excellent. Encouragement motivates me. Positive reinforcement makes me feel good, and tends to help me perform better. I can also avoid putting myself in situations where it's likely that I'll be negatively judged a lot.

When I meet a girl and I want her to like me, (REALLY like me), I want to make her feel like I'm the best guy she's ever met. I don't want to be a "middle-of-the-pack" guy. I want her to be thinking, there's no other guy in the world I'd rather be with. I don't want to be a "pretty-good guy", and list out my qualifications. I want to make her feel like I'm the best guy she's ever met. And I want to feel like I'm the best guy she's ever met.

The thing about going out to a bar and proper attitude for hooking up with a girl: the proper mindset is- "I WILL ABSOLUTELY hook up with you". Not, "maybe I would, if I got really drunk" or, "I appreciate the attention, but I'm a little wuss boy who's afraid to talk to you" or "I'm too good for you". The attitude is, "Yeah baby, let's go!" And this is related to lowering your standards, which is a good policy maybe for expectations in life generally. At least, be happy with what you've got right now. Don't wait until tomorrow to be happy, or wait until you've acquired whatever your current goal is to be happy. Be happy right now.

Maybe it really is the case that I just need the proper context for feeling really good, pretty much all the time. And that context is essentially a full-time job like I'll have this summer, that's challenging, professional and rewarding. And then outside of that, I can be exciting and magnetically attractive, and love my personality, just being really fun. Like, right now there's too much time to fill up. I don't know what to do with it all, and I get concerned. Another consideration: maybe I tend to get down because I stress over things too much. I think that's definitely possible. And it's easy for me to do when I have kind of a lot of free time like I do now (in college). So the answer isn't some mystical change, or some magic set of words, it's just setting up the proper context in my life. (And some mental stuff, obviously, will help). Also, it doesn't help to feel like I have to remember something constantly, keeping something within my awareness field, it's just distracting. I'm looking forward to the internship this summer.

I feel like life can be analogous to sex. You're not doing it just to get to the end. It's the whole process that's enjoyable. Better is better. And the act of doing it is reason enough, it feels good. And the more you feel good, the better you feel, the better. And it's win-win, an abundant situation in this sense. Hmmm...

It's funny. I'm not even happy with myself. How can I expect a girl to like and want to be with me if I don't even really like and want to be with myself? If I can't even imagine a girl wanting to be with me? First of all, I want to be happy with myself. Once I have that, I'll be very well-off, whether I have a girlfriend or not. What can I control? Whether I'm consistently pursuing good, or whether I'm not. And this goes for me, alone, I can't control what other people do. I want to have a personality I really like, and feel attracted to. This is important. Heh, this should be my central focus. This is what's important in my quality of life. I want more and more good for myself. And I want to have an abundant mindset so that I create more good for those around me, which will lead them to create more good for me. I want to have a personality I like a lot. And a physical appearance I really like as well, but the personality is more important. (The personality model I'm thinking of is Walt Kingsbery, mostly). My strongest/central attractor has to be this: I want to have a personality I really like, and this outweighs everything else I have to do. (Or at least, have this be a strong central attractor.) Obviously, it's important to have stability, that's a good attractor, and to do what's good and true. These however, I feel are closely aligned attractors, they will rarely come into conflict. Certainly, before I can have a good girlfriend relationship, I first have to be happy with my own personality. And for a long time I haven't been happy with my personality. Heh, in fact, I can't even really remember a time when I was happy with my personality. Interesting. It would be better if I changed that, I think. I want to like my personality :) I mean, wow, if I like my personality, how much better is my life going to be, as compared to if I don't like my personality? Just every single minute, everything I do, every interaction I have, every decision I make...I mean, an immense difference. If you DON'T like your personality, it seems almost impossible to have a happy life (feel good, generally).

As a 3, I'm not happy unless I'm moving on to the next step. This also explains why I like "doing" or "performing". I don't particularly like the learning stage, I prefer to have a working knowledge already, so I can act upon that. Good to know. I want to get through the learning stage effectively and early so I can move on to the "doing", or using what I've learned to step forward, because I find this part more enjoyable, and I'm better at it. I want to do the learning early on so I can get to the "taking action" part as soon as possible, because that's where I like to spend most of my time, and that's where I'm most effective.

I see, in excel, I could make a separate cell for each separate concept/number for the EPS calculations (same for tax).

I need something to physically "do" that will take me through each step of accounting, so that I'm not just staring at it while my mind soon wanders off. It needs to be an active interaction, leading me step-by-step through the process. Some sort of system (on my laptop, most likely), using excel, or microsoft word, or some other program to practice making journal entries, adjustments, creating balance sheets, income statements, statements of cash flows, notes, making tax decisions and calculations, figuring out what's included where, organizing information, etc...to get the system from the page into my head. The key is that it needs to be interactive, to keep my mind focused on it, walking step by step through the process.

I need some sort of playground/sandbox, like excel, and specific steps/assignments to walk through, until I'm familiary enough with the tools that I can improvise and make up my own stuff.

I should have a template for each "type" of problem. And then whenever I come across that type of problem, I can just use the same template over and over again. For example, calculating EPS problems. Or figuring out gift and estate tax, or the tax or basis in various given types of situations. I should create a template for those, so various different situations can be entered in.

Obviously it was not an effective system to look through 80 True/False questions about the estate and gift tax, getting increasingly bored, and spending 2 full days on it. The process has got to be more interactive somehow. Interesting...Maybe I can set up templates in excel for tax returns, and look online in financial statements and tax returns to find real world examples. Then go through excel entering different amounts to see what will happen.

Mike can talk very fast and very charismatically about things that he knows a lot about. Stuff that he spends time on every single day. Of course, that makes sense. I can talk fast and charismatically about things that I work with every day, that I spend a lot of time thinking about, etc...Right now, that would include working at Greenberry's, running, and a couple other things. I want it to include taxes, accounting, communication (of all sorts), etc...I want to spend time where I'm a giant in the field, and where I'm really excited about things.

Mike Long said that in order to be a successful entrepreneur, all you have to do is, learn the right way to do things. How do you learn the right way? Are there books? Are there people we can talk to to learn? etc... Crucial to any business- list of customers, list of clients, keep in contact, build a list of happy customers/clients who you keep going to

I feel like I have nothing of substance going on in my life right now. I want to walk around feeling like I have purpose, like I have something specific to do that's important and good. I want to walk around feeling powerful. Oh yeah, there's nothing wrong with using a hammer to kill a fly. I'm tired of feeling like I have nothing of substance to do. I'm tired of just hanging around, talking to people at Alderman and never actually doing anything worthwhile or going anywhere, and most of all I'm tired of having no power. First of all, I need to learn a skill set, which will leverage my power. Leverage my mental ability, and apply it to specific situations, to lead to more good. To help people, help start-up businesses, make financial plans for people, especially entrepreneurs who have the potential to make huge changes. Help someone like David Mills, help people like Sam, or the founders of Google, etc...That's a possibility. Also, I could work on the tax policy side, conduct research on what kind of tax policies will truly lead to more good, and then influence people to realize that goal.

The way I like to learn is to go over something enough times from enough different angles that the right answer in a given situation starts to FEEL intuitive. I have a general intuitive framework in my mind for how the subject works. A mental model. THEN I can go back through it and understand why those answers make sense, and are internally consistent. The process (for me) usually goes in this order. This means that my learning curve, I start kind of slow, but build up gradually and at an accelerating rate. I gain momentum, and eventually excel. But it's imperative that I put in the time required at the beginning, to go over the subject many times from slightly different angles. Good to know.

David Mills doesn't have the answers to everything. He's not perfect. What he does have, however, is amazing philosophical breakthroughs. He seems to have answered the question of epistemology, how to know what's true. And lots of other very cool stuff as well. However, I shouldn't necessarily model my life after his. And he wouldn't even recommend that I do. Take him for what he is, and he's remarkable, probably going to be famous and lead to more and more good through these philosophical breakthroughs. But he's not more than that. He's not omniscient, and he's not me. Ideas he's proven will probably make my quality of life improve immensely, and lots of other people's as well. Sweet, that's very cool. But it doesn't mean that I don't have to learn a trade, or make a living, or whatever.

It seems to me that you can really only do 2 or 3 things really well. If they're things that you have to do/practice virtually every day (which you pretty much do, if you want to be really good at something), then there's really only time to do 2 or 3 things really well. My things/interests/areas of focus are going to be 1. tax/accounting 2. fitness/lifting/running/being active 3. communication. It seems like virtually everybody needs a professional focus. Mine's tax/accounting. This is how you make a living, what people pay you to do. It also seems like virtually everybody would benefit greatly from understanding how to have good communication. My 3rd focus is fitness. This obviously is subject to the particular person. Some people might prefer to focus on travelling, or music or movies (which are related to communication), or watching sports, or playing strategy games, or writing romance novels, or whatever. And it seems to me like these 3 areas of focus will be very effective at increasing the quality of my life, which is a good thing to look for, in areas of focus, perhaps.

Everyone I know who's really good at what they do, at what they've chosen to specialize in, are INTENSE about what they do well. Even David Mills, he's intense about philosophizing, and doesn't compromise with bad and false ideas. Foster doesn't goof around with running, he's intense about it. Sam doesn't goof around with his business. He's really serious about it. The people who aren't excelling in anything aren't really intense about anything. Either that, or they've spread their focus too thin, on too many different things. It's time for me to get intense about something again, and that's gonna be mainly tax (accounting too), but I want to know my stuff really well. Also, I want to start going to the gym every day (maybe starting this wednesday). It doesn't cost any money to go to the gym, or to go running. It's funny, I tend to be drawn people who are really good at what they do. Maybe everyone is.

Another important idea: You can't do everything really well. You have to pick and choose, specialize. Personally, I'm going to be professionally really good with tax and accounting. I'm also interested in fitness, lifting weights, running, and being active generally (and looking good). Communication seems like another good interest, seeing as the world that we experience was created so that we could communicate with one another. But that's got to be about it. There are only 24 hours in a day.

I like the 'one focus' idea. Especially after talking to Foster today for awhile. He and Dumm are totally focused on running fast, and that's it. That's awesome. Then the rest of the time you feel good and confident, because in the one important area, you're totally set. You feel certain that you're gonna go out and do what you need to do, and perform exceptionally (by way of induction, which is fine). Like he said, it's not enough just to want to be good. You have to put in the work. Then you can feel confident that you'll perform when you need to.
Bring Gavin a big bag of Skittles when I go home. He'll appreciate that.

I don't like having several different things to focus on in life. I want one focus. One thing that determines whether I'm succeeding or not, currently. People say, "oh, it's better to have a well-rounded life." Fuck that. I'm happier when I have one clear focus, and I'm not juggling a whole bunch of things. I don't need or want a girlfriend right now. I don't need a million friends. I just want to master this tax, and accounting. I want to know it cold. That's how I've always done my best work, when I'm not distracted with other attractors. I'm tired of playing along, and being mediocre at a whole bunch of things, and pretending like I'm happy and having fun. I'm an intense person, this is the way I do things. One pursuit, all the rest is window-dressing.

Whatever your mind thinks (has encoded as) important, that's what it will make you feel like focusing on. I've consistently programmed it to ignore the tax details and to not think things all the way through. All I have to do is reprogram it to consistently assimilate the details and understand the whole picture, by looking for the details...

Your mind will do whatever it has been trained to do.

get socks at Dick's sporting goods.

When I'm learning information for a class, I want to have it set up so that I can move around, and share it with other people. Walking around, building a scenario to demonstrate the concept. See how it goes from scenario, to journal entry, to tax return, and back. And being active about it, sharing it with other people makes it so much more fun. I want to be able to use it with people over and over again, (maybe I could tape-record it?) Get other people to be able to experience it, so it would seem worth the investment. I think it would be fun, but it might take a little while to get started. Interesting though...walk around, talk, build and experience the scenario illustrating the concept. Hmmm...that will be closer to the real world anyway, than sitting still, looking at a book the same way for hours.

A fun thing about focusing on attracting girls is that doing so generally just makes me feel really good. It helps me feel relaxed and cool, like I've got nothing to hide. And like things are good, generally.

David Mills' presentation on Thursday, April 27, 8:00pm in the Chem building room 304 "Is it possible to perfectly verify God?" sponsored by IDEA a student group. Maybe see if Rachel wants to go, or Sam, or anyone else?...Sweet.

For any processes that can be automated, I want to automate them, so I can move my focus onto something else while still performing that process.

I don't really like changing my focus. I like to pretty much be focused on one thing, one specific goal consistently. Hmmm...could I try just swearing off other potential topics of focus? And focus on accounting/tax? Maybe I could... The thing is, once I've learned something, I know how to do it in practice, then I don't have to focus on just that. The learning is what takes all my focus. Once I've learned it, then I can do that and something else at the same time. It's like I can automate it. Hmmm...it still takes some focus, but it's like I can switch between several different areas of focus quickly, and still keep track of what I'm doing. Interesting. Let's take the premise that you can only really focus on one thing/concept at a time. How do people multitask? By switching this focus between several different areas rapidly, and then having the process be automated when your focus is not on the one area. But when you're learning something, it's difficult to have any process be automated. When I'm learning, I'm basically learning how to have a certain process be automated.

My life has to be about something. Have some central attractor. Really, right now, I'm most interested in attracting girls. I want to be really, really good at having girls be attracted to me. That's what my focus will be on, most of the time. I like it, it's a universally acceptable thing to be focused on, and mostly that's what I'm going for anyway, regardless of what my 'official' focus is. But this way I'm just doing it directly, rather than indirectly. Sweet. Physically, start reading the David DeAngelo emails again, and make this a priority.

It seems like our major uncertainty is just that we don't know what's going to happen in the future. All of our decisions are regarding the future, and we just don't know what's going to happen. We can get reasonably close to what's going to happen, probably. Make reasonable suppositions upon which to base our decisions. I don't like uncertainty. I like being able to predict what's going to happen, and make adjustments accordingly. Hmmm...So, perhaps the central issue here is being able to predict more or less what's going to happen. And being able to influence the future in the way that I want to. At least, being able to isolate the parts of the future that I'm absolutely certain of, the parts I'm reasonably sure of, and the parts that are quite uncertain. And from here, predicting what will likely happen.

Strategy. Having a plan for general/common situations. Just a general idea of what you want to have happen and how it's going to happen.
Do less "hanging around aimlessly." Always have a strategy, always have a plan. That's attractive. The more specific, the better. The blurrier and more nebulous, the worse. Always have a strategy, always have a plan. Always have a schedule, always have an agenda. The more concrete, the better.
What I really want to do is clear up this blurriness that seems pervasive in my mind, and my experience. I want things to be sharp, crystal-clear, I can see and think clearly about what's going on.
No matter what's happening, there's no need for my mind ever to add bad to a situation. Good thing to know.

Ok, so guys definitely have to perform for girls. That's just the way things are, currently. There's no question. All the girl has to do is wait in the castle, and the guy has to ride up on the horse, slay the dragon, scale the walls and save the girl. It's no good to get pissed off about it, let's just accept it and find the best damn way to slay the dragon and scale the walls. The guy has to do all the work, okay then. Let's do it right. I have to perform for girls, let me do it right. Sweet. Now I'm talking some sense. I'm going to become really really good at performing for girls. That's what I'll focus on.

There's a time for joking around, and there's a time for being serious. I spend too much time in the latter state. Most day-to-day situations in my life right now are joking around situations. Grocery store, gym, running, class, Greenberry's, Saturdays, etc...are joking around situations. They're just not that intense. Sometimes it's good to be serious, but not all the time.

I want to be a professional, but I also want to goof around. I want to be kind of a goof-off. Like Sam. I want to work hard when it's time to work hard, but goof around a lot too, and have a lot of fun. I like to laugh a lot, and act like I'm lazy, and make other people laugh. I like to smile really big, and joke around. I've been missing out on that. I don't like being too serious, it's exhausting. I want to know what I'm doing, and then joke around with it too. I want to go to Wendy's and order a Big Mac. I want to make a cashier think that Sam and I are a gay couple. I want to make girls feel exasperated. I want to be fun to be around, because I like to joke around. That's mostly what I want, I want to be fun to be around :)

Here's the plan. Start going to the gym every day. 5-6 days a week, and work different muscles, to not overstress anything. Real good. And keep goofing around :) And obviously, collect all my class information on my laptop (on my baby). Sweet.

One thing I can do consistently is continue to ensure my own stability. Which will make it easier for me to feel good, stable, and joke around other times. That’s what I spend a lot of my time doing- ensuring my own stability.

I'm a professional.
This is what I do now, this is my life. I analyze financial statements, I make tax plans, I give presentations on capital leases. I am a professional. I make journal entries, and I understand financial statements, deciding whether a company is a good investment or not. I fill out people's tax returns for them, I write up statements of cash flows, I ask and answer questions about the tax consequences to an S corporation of a distribution. This is my life. I wear a nice-looking, silver watch, and a black polo shirt when I dress casual. I work on my laptop most of the time. I go out to lunch with business friends, and golfing, and lifting and running with them. This is what I do now, this is my life. It's an exception to the normal way I spend my time if I'm not reading financial statements, or bettering my understanding of the tax law so I can make better plans, or working on my laptop with excel. I am a professional. This is who I am. And I love it.
My happy place is me working at an accounting firm, say Johnson Lambert, Veris Consulting, as a partner, walking around with tax strategies forming in my mind for our clients, energy high, charisma off the charts, making people laugh and getting people fired up, with all the knowledge and strategy to back it up. God I love it. Doing something that's held in high esteem, that grants me immediate status in other people's eyes. And doing it really, really well. With the background and the position, I can be so charismatic, attractive, energetic and confident. I can pull together a team and run with it. That's my happy place. And it wouldn't have to be a workplace. It could be as a professor/dean at a university, teaching students, so charismatic and drawing people in. Having that status in other people's eyes is really important to me. Right now there's very little status to be had from a major, especially not even being a graduate student. Next year will be better in that respect. And this summer will be great. It's like, just keep this future professional life in my mind, and I'm golden. That's my happy place. It's so nice just to be immediately granted status in other people's eyes, and not have to earn it bit by bit. And to know that I deserve it. That I'm really valuable to others in a professional way. It's like, once I have that status, then I can relax and be comfortable, do my thing. But when I don't have that, that value in other people's eyes, it's a constant struggle. And I want to have that status in my own eyes. Believe/know that I'm really valuable and great. Haha, I need a basis other than looks to base my own value and other people's value on. And maybe it shouldn't be your job, but that's what most people do. It's like, I think that's what was so attractive about running more in high school, I saw my own value/status increasing in my own eyes, and my status increasing in the eyes of others. I can do that now, with accounting/taxes. By being an expert at this, I can be such a professional, and I'll be so charismatic when my mind judges that I have status in the eyes of others. With a professional position like tax accountant and the knowledge and skills to back it up, I'll be so charismatic, confident, happy and fun that I'll be able to compete with any guy, no matter how good-looking he is. And I'll meet some really cool girls, and find really fun, great, attractive ones to spend time with.

When I know what I'm talking about, and it's something important, then I come across as SO attractive. I'm quite certain of this. That's part of the reason I like to teach. But I'll get the same feeling when I'm in a professional working environment and I know what I'm doing. And I really want that feeling.

The importance of forming teams whenever possible.
The 4 Perspectives...whenever pursuing a goal, you're in one of the 4 modes. People tend to have a dominant perspective. What's the 3rd perspective again? Forward/step-by-step. Interesting. Ok, so how does this help me? It's like, oftentimes I feel at a loss because I don't know what the next step is. If I have all the resources at my disposal, and a plan, then I'm golden, I can carry it out. And sometimes it helps to have the assistance of a 4, to keep me focused on the end result, and working back from that to where I am currently. If I have the resources, a plan, and a good picture of the end result, then I'm like, "Let's go!" If I have the resources and not a plan, then I'm okay, but still somewhat at a loss, because I have to make the plan first before I can start working. If I don't have the resources, then I can't have a very clear/effective plan, so that's no good. If I don't have a clear idea of the end result, then I begin losing motivation. Interesting...I carry out the plan, I do the work step-by-step...with the resources and a plan, I'm like, "Let's go!" Without the resources and a plan, I'm like, "Bleh." So how do I deal with this situation? First, form a team when I can. Second, if I can't form a team, then create a context so I have the resources I'll need and a plan, and then roll through it.

Here's what I'm thinking...this is a cool idea, I want to see if it's right/good/true. I only want to take away good from each moment, each interaction, each homework assignment, each minute invested learning excel, each minute invested at Greenberry's, each minute invested in the classroom, each minute invested giving a presentation, etc...and from every situation. I only want to take away good. Any good that I take away from it makes me better off than I was before.

It's crazy how time never stops. My mind and body are bound to it...one moment after the next, always. All this physical stuff, is just temporary. I'll have a certain amount of time in this body and mind, in this life, to have value-experience of one kind or another...and I won't have more time than that, at least in this body and mind configuration. That seems like a more accurate framework for making decisions than our 'normal' worldview. It should allow me to make decisions that are more likely to let me have positive value-experience, consistently. I don't get a million times to present in front of a class at Piedmont. Hmmm...

I'm the kind of guy who girls like and feel attracted to.

I'm not someone who stresses out. I tend to feel relaxed, happy, and confident about things.

The gradual accumulation of good and true ideas. I can do that. Even listen to David Mills' mastery lessons and take notes on my laptop...to organize the information and communicate it to my mind better. The idea that it's totally normal for a girl to like me, and shouldn't be surprising at all, it happens several times a day that a girl feels like she really likes me, so it's totally not a big deal, and I can just take it in stride. Very nice. The gradual accumulation of good ideas, that makes my life better and better.

I think I have some limiting beliefs in my mind. Such as, "I'm not the kind of person who has cute girls attracted to him, and who like him"; "I'm not the type of guy who has a girlfriend"; "I'm the type of guy who acts as a big brother to cute girls"; etc...The beliefs aren't true, there's no truth-value to them at all. So all I have to do is replace these limiting beliefs with ones like, "I'm the kind of guy who has cute girls attracted to him, and who has cute girls like him"; and "I'm the kind of guy who can make a girl feel incredible anticipation of kissing him"; and "I'm the kind of guy who makes girls feel like jumping on him"; and "I'm the kind of guy who usually has a girlfriend." New beliefs, just continue processing these. I'm the kind of guy who has cute girls like him. That's just the way I am.

Every time I try to get myself to 'act' a certain way, I'm implying to my mind that I'm not actually that way. Which is no good. Rather, I just need to believe that I am a certain way, however I want to be, and I'll be golden. Sweet.

I'm the kind of guy who has well-organized notes/information from class, and assimilates it into his mind quickly by creating the proper context for building that understanding almost effortlessly.

I'm the kind of guy who enjoys public speaking. I'm the kind of guy who can entertain 4 cute girls at once, in a bar setting. Making them laugh, and feel incredibly attracted to me. That's just what I do, time and time again. And I love it :)

I want to do as much schoolwork on my laptop as possible. I'm tired of using paper and books. I want to be able to sit back like I am now, and just roll, totally relaxed physically, with my mind alert. How can I do much of my schoolwork on my laptop?

What processes can I automate? How can I use my computer/technology to automate school stuff?

Go to Dick's Sporting goods for t-shirts
get a regulation frisbee at Dick's, bring it to Greenberry's to play out in Nameless Field with

In my room, cover up my alarm clock so I can't see the time constantly.

Party idea- pure techno music...so much fun

[edit] Assignments:

-Lease presentation/project for Acct 222 on Tuesday, April 11

[edit] Things to buy:

-buy small t-shirts...Rugged Wearhouse
-small/tight hooded sweatshirt (i.e. Gavin style)
-buy earphones for laptop (earphones with my laptop will be crucial for effective studying/learning purposes at the library as well as at home...aligning vectors, alleviate attention wandering, lowering the activation barrier to sitting down and focusing on schoolwork...also good for talking on IM with people, like Erica)
-low cut socks
-bathroom scale for optimal weight gain monitoring

[edit] Things to do:

-make a CD/playlist for Erica...send to her over IM
-e-mail David about uploading the Mastery lessons

[edit] Ideas:

-for Sam's customized homepage, have it play a song (or select a song at random from a previous playlist, or have it connected to the radio, and when the page loads, it comes on)

[edit] Fundamental Ideas:

-I think I was right on before when I was emphasizing the importance of humor to my mind, and being able to make other people laugh, and myself laugh. Oh boy, I do love a good laugh. It seems like in most of my interactions with girls lately (and guys too, but especially girls), I've been kinda boring and non-funny, and it's totally a downer. It's not fun at all, for the girl or for me. And the thing is, it's not hard. I just emphasize to my mind that I'm interested in being funny, that it makes me feel good, and process that repeatedly. And I love it, it makes my quality of life so much better. It makes me feel good, and it seeps into every part of my life, creating a synergistic effect of goodness- energy, happiness, relaxed alertness, perspective, sense of context, attractiveness, etc...all good things, and hey, that's just super.

-What does a girl want when she talks to me? How does she want me to make her feel? I should be able to make her laugh and feel good. I want to be able to make people laugh. You can't be stressed out when you're really laughing. And it's SO attractive, and it's only good...I want to focus more on being funny, and laughing, when I'm just walking around. I want that to be one of the first things people say about me, "He's funny...". As well as good-looking and brilliant, and super-cool...funny along the lines of John Bauman. Sweet.

-This way too, what I want is aligned with what other people around me want. So I'm not constantly conflicted about what I want and wanting to be in alignment with what other people want. I'll be more effective in every area with aligned beliefs with those around me.

-I don't want to live to work. I'd rather work to live. I want intellectually stimulating work, that's rewarding and fulfilling, and I also want time to be outside, go running and lift weights, be in good shape generally. But really I just want to have fun. I want to hang out in springtime evenings, sitting outside at a nice bar/restaurant and have a beer with some friends. I want to do fun things...fun activities. I want to go out at night, see people, meet people, etc. I want to focus on this more. I'm feeling a little stressed out right now, because all I ever focus on is classes, running/lifting, and having other people not think I'm lame. I really just want to go out and have fun, and have money as no object. I want a breath of fresh air. And I want to be relaxed. Relaxed, but energetic and excited at the same time.

-I think having an organized website like this makes it easier for you to be more effective in life, because then you don't have to keep recalling all this stuff into your limited awareness...you can be more focused on what's directly in your limited awareness, without feeling that generalized anxiety about what you might be forgetting. It's like a "Life Organizer", if you will.
-I haven't yet proved that only good should come out of relationships/interaction with other beings, that the purpose of this physical world is for communication, which is so we can have abundance, but I'm pretty sure this is true, and I'll act on this assumption for now, as I continue to look to prove it. It's the height of stupidity to have any bad come from relationships/interactions. It's just a result of non-understanding of the situation. It SHOULD be the case (it's intended to be this way) that only good comes out of our relationships/interactions. This seems so important and so right, I want to keep coming back to it. I want to relate everything else to it.
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